The Order of Things

Danny's mom is having to evacuate her house because of the fire in Auburn. He said that all is fin,e because the wind is blowing the fire away from her house. Good news! Later Danny and I were talking about it, though, and he said he had to evacuate once when he was a kid. I asked him if it was really cool and exciting (cause thats what I would have thought it would be). He said, "no, I was scared to death..." and then, "but my mom was totally freaking out, so it probably came from that."

There was a line in "Saving Private Ryan" that went something like, If you're going to complain you complain up (in rank). This make sense... there really is no point in complaining down, it's just not beneficial. If there is no one higher, however, you share your thoughts, concerns, and complaints, in the wrong direction, to the wrong person. In the case of Danny's mom, she shared it with her kids.

I remember my childhood being supper secure and comfortable. I always felt safe. I don't think it came from knowing that my parents loved me, although they did and I knew they did. I think it came from knowing they loved each other. I remember that before my dad would go to work each day he would kiss my mom goodbye, and my parents would hold hands when we would drive in the car. It was more than even that, though. The way that they would talk to each other... it was soothing.

So after saying all of that, it shouldn't surprise you to know that I try not to put my kids first, and I don't think that raising them is the most important job that I have. While I do talk about them an awful lot, and spend more time with them than any one else, I almost try and think of it as a day job (although I am tempted to consume myself with them)... or maybe a career. I do this for 20ish years and then retire. Sure I go back and visit and maybe even work part time every now and again, but for the most part I'm retired.

I'm their mother and I love them dearly, but they only have a temporary place in my home. My husband is permanent, my girls are only mine (really mine) until they are 18. Danny is the love of my life and by loving him I am loving my kids. By loving Danny (and being close enough to trust him with my worries, concerns, and thoughts) I am giving my children the comfort, security, safety that they need.